Self-Bullying. Are You Guilty?

I confess, I am guilty.

I don’t know you, but I am the queen of negative self-talk.

Raise a hand who never had a little session of self degradation inside that pretty mind of yours.

I can't really see you but I am assuming that you are just as fucked up as me so, on that basis, is safe to assume that we all need some therapy. 

Self- Bullying can be expressed in different ways but the most common is by that little annoying voice in our head that keeps reminding us about our insecurities on the most unsuitable moments. 

I am gonna give you examples cause I have an asshole inside my head that talks shit all day long, especially when I am PMS(ing) oppss... too much information? Sorry, sorry.

Here are some examples:

"Just shut up, you have no clue what you are talking about".

"You look dusty, and you hair is uneven, ugh".

"Don't even try ...... (fill the blank), because you won't be able to do it".

“You are the worst ...... (fill the blank)".

"Pizza again? Amazing. Your mom would be proud. #Not"- (My inside voice uses hash tags) I am a millennium, what do you want from me?

"What are you doing with your life?" "Twenty-eight years old and absolutely NOTHING accomplished. Congratulations loser."

Then, there are some variations of body shaming of course, such as:

"Ew, you look like shit today".

"You are too skinny"/ "You are too fat"/ " Hide those hips for God's sake".

"Look at all that cellulite. ew ew ew. Nasty. Go to the fucking gym already Sabrina!"

"I see wrinkles". 

And so on..... sooo much on.

We all have some variations but it boils down to ....

Well, truth is, I don't really know what it boils down to folks.

I don't really have the answers but I did some research on people that knows their shit and here is what I found.

***First of all, I am not schizophrenic. Schizophrenia is a serious mental illness and I don’t joke around with that so just to be clear, the voices I speak about are thoughts, not auditory hallucinations (which are some of the various symptoms of schizophrenia).

Keep in mind that negative thoughts are not caused by a single emotion; is a build up of feelings that distort reality. In another words, when you think for example, “My life sucks”, you are not necessarily  upset about your whole life at this very moment. There were a million little triggers that you didn’t deal with that got you to make that conclusion.

There is this thing called CBT aka- cognitive behaviour therapy, which is used in therapy to help people dealing with obsessive negative thoughts, it’s a technique that basically identifies the negative thoughts, recognize the triggers, challenge the thought, replace with a more accurate version of it and then move on to an action plan. 

Do you know what I love about this? Is that allows you to identify your ghosts and take active participation on eliminating them, also it doesn't hurt knowing that this kind of technique has a 50% success rate (According to the web magazine "Health Central", 2015) & 50% is better than nothing right?!

Cognitive therapy also identifies types of distorted thinking and I highlighted especially for you, the most common ones:

The Big Four Types of Negative Thinking

• All-or-Nothing Thinking. "I have to do things perfectly, because anything less than perfect is a failure."
• Disqualifying the Positives. "Life feels like one disappointment after another."
• Negative Self-Labeling. "I feel like a failure. I'm flawed. If people knew the real me, they wouldn't like me."
• Catastrophizing. "If something is going to happen, it'll probably be the worst case scenario."

NOT SO COOL FACT: All-or-nothing thinking can lead to depression because when you think you have to be perfect, you feel trapped by your own unrealistic standards. Feeling trapped is one of the known causes of depression and anxiety.

If like me, you are too broke to get a therapist that can CBT all over those self negative thoughts, you can use this simple version of self-CBT with the following questions: 

1. Is this thought true?
2. Is this thought important?
3. Is this thought helpful?

The big thing that I am learning these days is that you don’t have to be perfect to be good. Yeah sure, we can always improve in life, but perfection is subjective. Instead, be kind to yourself as you would you a best friend or someone you love dearly. If change must occur, let it happen from a place of kindness and acceptance, not hate.

 Listen, we all preach love in the world, right? Love everyone and bla, bla, bla, but if you are not kind and accepting of yourself, how DA fuck are you gonna manage to love and accept other people? How can you be a better human being if you cannot even be good to yourself?

I know is easier said than done, but we have to try, even if with small steps. Before you say something nasty to yourself today, ask yourself “would I say this to someone I love?” “Am I being rational?”Am I being an asshole right now?”.  Depending on your answer, shift your thoughts accordingly. Challenge yourself, challenge your thoughts and try becoming less a bully towards yourself and others.   

Let your mantra be:"Today I am gonna try being less of a dick towards myself and others" Amen, or Namaste, or whatever ticks you.

See You Soon ;)