Refusing to Settle: The Quarter-Life Crisis | Adam "Smiley" Poswolsky | ...

Who Are You? No, really. Who is the REAL you?

OK, so we recognized the problem; we have no idea where we are and even if we are somewhere, our current positioning in the world SUCKS. So you ask me, what now? Well, now we move. You are not a freaking tree, right? But let's start from the beginning. 

First is first: "What kind of question is that Sabrina?" 

"I don't fucking know who I am, if I knew I wouldn't be reading your stupid blog."

Fair enough. Fair enough friend. Let me first start by saying that...

It is quite impossible to write this post without being heavily cliché. I am gonna have to do it. Sorry guys, it's happening. I am gonna say it. Ready?  

In this process of becoming someone AKA (not  a eternal loser) like most of us feel like at this point, you will have to (wait for it...) "LOVE YOURSELF".   
Ayeee Papi I know, this phrase is overly used and mostly by people whom are needy and annoying, but the reality is that if you don't like your product (in this case - yourself), you won't be able to sell it. Please, let's not take it literally ok?! We both know you are smarter than that. 

It's kinda common sense really, when you understand, like, and believe in your product (in this case, yourself) - you speak more confidently about it, you carry it with more confidence, and you trick everyone into thinking that you know what you are talking about.

On top of tricking everyone into believing you have your shit together, knowing yourself well will maximize your chances of success. But How? 

It's a win-win situation really. Taking time to get to know "the real YOU" will pay off by increasing your self esteem, self understanding, and by giving you an exceptional social tool to better communicate and understand the people around you.

How can you love something you don't understand? Exactly. Once you understand why you do things the way you do, you will be able to take control of your personality and not be a victim of it. 

• By knowing your personality traits well, you will be able to recognize your abilities and your weak spots; once you acknowledge the problem, you are half-way towards succeeding at it.

• Getting to know know your personality gives you a better understanding of your choices in life or lack-there-of, and it also maps your values and preferences which will give you a better idea of how to plan your future or even change the things that aren't working in your present.

• Furthermore, getting to know your personality traits and who you really are, will make you more understanding of yourself and the people around you, ultimately leading to better and more fullfilling relationships. 

You may be asking yourself- "How can I do that?" How can I get to know myself in a non-loser way?"

Well, you are in luck my friend, because other than being a quarter lifer survivor I am also a Social Service Worker, which pretty much means I was obligated to do a bunch of work on myself in my College years. 

So here are some tips and things I found helpful in my search :

1. First and foremost ,

I need to introduce you to The Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) assessment. This assessment consists of a questionnaire designed to measure a person’s preferences on how they perceive the world and make decisions. 

COOL FACT: The original developers of the personality inventory were Katharine Cook Briggs and her daughter, Isabel Briggs Myers as a way of helping woman during WWII identify the sort of war-time jobs where they would be happiest and most effective. 
Cool eh? The best part is that this tool is SOOOO helpful. Honestly, this is by far the most accurate personality test I've ever taken, and believe me when I say I am a personality test junkie, I have taken so many that I feel I should be certified!

This test can be found online and is completely FREE. If you decide you want to invest in an actual professional assessment it's your decision, but this free sample should do the trick since it's extremely detailed and accurate, trust me.
You can find the The Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) test online on this website: http://www.16personalities.com

2. Start writing. I know, I know. 

"It's boring."" It's a basic bitch thing."" You are not 12 yrs old" and blah blah blah. Listen pal, you need to find out what works best for you and the best way to find out is to FREAKING TRY. If journaling it's not your thing, try free style writing - you basically just write whatever comes to your mind, even if doesn't make sense, even if it's only random words. Your brain knows your shit, if you give space and time it will tell you what you need to know.

  3. GET TO KNOW YOUR FAMILY

     "Say what?" YES.

That's what I said. Let me break something to you my friend, and this might hurt a bit. As much as I hate to tell you this, do you know those annoying traits your family holds? Yeah, those. You most likely have them too. Yeah I know, Genetics is a bitch. But hey, I got good news for you; first, your family might have some awesome personality trais that you unwillingly earned through the birth lottery; GET TO KNOW THEM. Second, even if your genetic sucks, there is this thing called "Brain Plasticity" - which basically says that we can change our genetic makeup by (and guess this), making consistent decisions that oppose our internal biological tendencies. Basically, what this theory on plasticity says is that it is possible to shape your brain to be whatever you want it to be.

 It will probably not be very easy, but if you are consistent on making changes and developing it, you have GREAT chances of achieving it.

The bottom line my friends is that no one really has the answers to our problems but ourselves; and the best way to figure shit out it's to know yourself first, fix the broken pieces, figure out a plan, and move towards it consistently. DO NOT LOOK BACK! Make a decision on being better and then BE BETTER. Make this into your mantra: "Just a little bit  everyday".